The Final Chapter
by tlcplusp
Summary: Tis a bit late in coming, but this is my take on the last chapter. Posted for HiddenPortrait's old last chapter challenge. Harry and Voldeklinks bashing galore! Complete. Review if you read it, please.


The Final Chapter

Harry heroically walked up to Voldemort. He was heroically carrying all Voldemort's exhorcruxes: the Sorting Hat, Auntie Murial's Tiara, the Dairy (which he had heroically and daringly rescued from the Malfoy Manor during his so called 'bathroom breaks', because NO ONE is actually allowed to _use_ the bathroom in literature!), Nagini (who had dumped Voldemort the second she found out there were other Parselmouth fish in the sea, ones with hair), the Ring (heroically picked up from that table in the Headmaster/Mistress' office), the Cup (which Bellatrix had willingly handed over to spite Voldemort as he had fired her as his snugglebunny), and the Locket, which was finally given to Harry by Serious. (Serious hadn't really been dead, he'd just gotten sent to the Caribbean, but the Veil had jumbled his brain a bit so he thought he was a pirate by the name of Jack Sparrow. It'd taken a couple years for him to remember who he really was.)

Serious had the locket because Regulus gave it to him before being turned into Crookshanks by Peter-the-idiotic-guy-who-actually-did-hang-out-with-James-Remus-and-Serious-in-school, -but-was-really-stupid-so-he-didn't-talk-and-was-never-mentioned-by-any-of-them-cause-he-was-just-so-stupid while Regulus was trying to convince Lilly to run for it with Harry, because he was in love with her. As was Snape. But that's not the point. The point is, Harry had heroically gotten all the horcruxes. And because he had tripped heroically at a critical moment, they had all been dehorcruxied. Heroically. Even Nagini, who was still alive, hadn't been killed because she had been working for Voldemort and nearly killed Arthur Weasely. Harry had spared her heroically.

Voldemort gad-zooked when he saw all of his destroyed horcruxes. He then held up his hands that had really long fingers to make up for something else. "Nagini! My preciousssss!" cried Voldemort, drawing out the s because he speaks Snake, duh. "Come back to me, and be my mossssst devoted ssssservant! And my ssssnugglesssssnake, because I'm getting tired of Bellatrixsss, who I now do not refer to as Bella!"

Nagini looked deep into Voldemort's eyes. She then flicked venom into them. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! That HURT!" cried Voldemort. "Harry Potter! You have ssstolen my only friend and ssssssssnugglesssssssnake in the world! I shall never forgive you!" 

Harry fell to his knees, heroically. "Don't do that! It's not my fault that I'm sexi, brave, and have hair for Nagini to slide through, and you don't! It's not my fault that I'm...a HAIRY POTTER!" Harry shouted heroically. 

At this Voldemort began weeping. It was really disgusting; Voldemort was not someone who could weep prettily. No, his not-nose was running, his eyes got redder and puffy, and he had to wipe his face with his robes. This was a bad move, for instead of using his sleeves like a sensible person would do, he picked up the front of his robes, and everyone who suddenly arrived on the scene could see his skinny legs. They all pointed and laughed at him.

Voldemort stopped crying at once and put his robes back down. 

"Sssssilence!" He screamed. "For thisss humiliation, I shall now kill you, Harry Potter!" 

"All right then!" said Harry heroically. He heroically dropped all the exhorcruxes. Except Nagini, who slithered down from his hair, which she had been coiled in. He then snatched his wand heroically from his pocket. 

Mrs. Weasley burst from the crowd. "DON'T YOU DARE FIGHT VOLDEMORT, YOUNG MAN! YOU'RE BARELY OF AGE, AND YOU'LL GET HURT!" 

"But--" Harry tried to argue heroically. 

"NO BUTS! YOU ARE NOT TO FIGHT VOLDEMORT TODAY!" 

"Oh...but...fine." Harry muttered heroically, glaring heroically. 

"GOOD!" Mrs. Weasley went back to her spot in the crowd. 

"It would appear that you may not fight!" laughed Voldemort triumphantly. "I WIN, POTTER!" He raised his wand... 

"But I've got something you don't!" Harry announced heroically to Voldemort, though he was looking at the crowd, trying to see if there were any photographers in the crowd. 

"What'ssss that?" 

"A--" 

"NOSE!" screamed someone in the crowd. 

Harry turned heroically to the person. "Well, I suppose that's true..." 

"I DON'T CARE! I LIKE MY NOT-NOSE!" Voldemort replied, upset. 

"But that's NOT what I was going to say!" Harry retorted heroically. "I've got...a LUNA!" 

And Luna Lovegood, clad in a swimsuit and her lion hat, emerged from the crowd and hat-butted Voldemort. 

Voldemort crumpled. "Is he dead?" asked Harry heroically. 

Luna felt for a pulse. "YES!" she cried. 

"Well, that's some jolly good fun!" said Harry heroically. "I think I'll go back to school and try to finish my education!" 

Albus Dumbledore stepped up. "I'm sorry Harry, but we can not let you back into Hogwarts." 

"What?" Harry exclaimed, heroically. 

"You're simply too heroic. I must kill you," he answered simply. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" 

And with that, Harry heroically dropped dead. Heroically.


End file.
